Mid-pre hormonal meltdown last night and post post-hormonal "why on earth can't you pick ANYTHING up or even say thank you meltdown my mini me sturuck on something that has stuck with me ever since, and it's really very disturbing...
she said, mid sobs, "everyone does this, laundry and cleaning and cooking and it never goes away and noone is happy and you're blaming me and I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP because that's all there is and why should I....?" etc. There was a lot of etc. So much etc that I didn't exactly hear this until it replayed later in my constant-instant-replay mind that goes over and over everything just the way hers does.
Unpacking it, there's some important stuff. The I don't want to grow up part is disturbing, because I truly am aftraid she'll hurt herself. And when i went through that phase, I didn't know from TV and movies and friends that cutting myself with a razor blade to relieve the pain was an option--but I bet she does.
And, You're blaming me... for her laundry and stuff. I mean, yesh, kinda, since you ARE the one that left your gum on the new york times magazine, and you DO eat off of the dishes and, well, yeah, you create a buttload of laundry and it really would be nice if you'd help out... am I wrong? Am I damaging my kid by expecting her to try to fit it in somewhow?
And, noone is happy? Wow, there's a statement. That's the one that hurts, because it means the life I'm showing her is one that isn't appealing. And it kind of isn't to me, either and I guess I've been too up front about that because now she thinks there's nothing good about an adult life and like, yikes that's sure not the message I want to send.
