I've never been much of a smiler. My mother always told me that if you smiled at people, they would smile back and that was how you made friends, but somehow I couldn't do it. Maybe because it felt inauthentic (and there's nothing more awkward than a fake smile, I thought). Or because I had bad teeth, even after braces, and when I smiled in the mirror I hated how it looked. But on the rare occasions that I do smile, I have noticed that she's right, and that people smile back and do not grimace at me as though I am as ugly as I think I am when I look in the mirror and do it. And it actually does feel good, even when it's fake. I know that because I worked retail for a couple of years in a hippie dippie soap shop and I had to smile a lot.
But back to modern day. I am volunteering with a local food insecurity initiative and a recent project involves 2 ceramic artists, 400 kids making 800 pots aligned to inform their social studies curriculum, and a fundraiser to sell the one of two pots they make that they are donating to help their neighbors have food. An Empty Bowls fundraiser. (it's tomorrow, actually. 400 bowls 3000 Meals. Art.Food.Community.) Yesterday I was helping to wrap pots at the elementary school, for the bowls the kids are bringing home. I was there for 4 classes yesterday, and 3 the day before. One of the artists queried me that the day before seemed more upbeat, easier, more fun, even though the actual layout of the room was far more complicated and difficult to maneuver. And she was right, so I thought about it.
While I thought about it, I gazed at Melody, the other artist, as she was explaining to a tableful of 2nd graders why the glaze changed color when it was fired, and how proud she was of them for donating their art, and how hard it is to do that. And she smiling this big huge smile the whole time, even when she was asking kids to quiet down and even when she might have been a teeny bit annoyed that they were banging their precious pottery around. And looking at her made me smile, and that smile, the return one, felt real and good. It's true that when you smile your whole being, physical, emotional, physiological, psychological--every -ogical-- feels better.
Then I noticed that the teacher was absolutely not smiling. In fact, she was anti-smiling. Her lips were pursed and she was almost certainly having a hard time not yelling. At second graders who were figuring out which of their two beloved pottery pieces to NOT bring home. And the first grade teacher was not very smiley either and even though she's super nice I know (because M had her) that she has trouble with classroom management and has been known to raise her voice to be heard. And the 4th grade teacher I saw that day is also rather serious.
So this all leads me to believe that it's all about the smile. And we really all, me included and especially Madeleine, who has yet to completely form her personality (despite what she thinks) REALLY need to smile more. I have to remind her again of what her English teacher Ms Packer says--that Maddy's smile is a rare thing, but when she gets one, it's like her gift for the day.
